Friday, April 1, 2011

This Is My 1,000th Post!--Bening, Weinstein Latest

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Annette Bening has signed on to star in a new Focus Features film. It's a true story about a former ballet dancer, who undergoes gender reassignment surgery, and, as a man, trains for the Olympic boxing medal. Clint Eastwood had a scheduling conflict; Woody Allen is slated to direct.  Production starts next week under the working title (and name of Bening's male character) "Oscar"....  In an exclusive interview, Bening was asked about the grueling competitive auditions, which reportedly began in 1999.  "Haha,  it was an ordeal, but 'Oscar' is finally mine!" she quipped, "I mean, the lead role is mine...   It's a done deal, and no one can take 'Oscar' away from me now!"

In related news: Natalie Portman and Hilary Swank, both of whom auditioned for "Oscar", have been reported missing.....

The ratings Game: In order to cash in on the lucrative day-care and pre-school demographic, Harvey Weinstein has ordered cuts to Miramax's 1994 cult hit "Pulp Fiction" to secure a G-rating from the MPAA.  Weinstien shrugged off the cries of protest. "Now, families will be able to enjoy this movie together," he explained.  The newly-edited version runs just over eight minutes.  (The Jackrabbit Slim's dance contest, one or two shots of Bruce Willis before the samurai sword episode, and Samuel L. Jackson quoting the Bible, survived the cuts.) When asked how he will market a work of such minuscule duration as a feature film, Wienstein smiled. "No problem," he said, "they all have such short attention spans."

Those of you who have been keeping track, know that this is only my 400th post.  I always have trouble counting on my fingers, especially on April Fools Day.


  1. I chuckled at the "Oscar" bit! The question: how will Bening's performance compare with the original by Stallone? ;)

    Hey, I wouldn't put it past Weinstein....Don't give him any ideas!

  2. Very good. I confess you had me on the 1,000th post title.

  3. I loved writing this piece...Glad I had some company to share the enjoyment. Thanks, Walter, and Ben! (And anyone else who stumbes in here later on.)